Tuesday 29th August

Last nights’ meeting was absolute shite! Firstly I didn’t test in the pink again with the ketostix which was no surprise given my past history on that. Secondly my predictions of no change in weight was wrong, I put on 1lb! Of all the fucking weeks to retain water it had to be this one. Mind you 4st 4lbs loss in 100 days is still shit hot and something to be proud of...and I am.

Thirdly including me there were only 3 at the meeting last night and I didn’t know the other 2. Of them 1 is starting management this week so I won’t see her again and the other is starting management next week. I hope some of my foundation group start coming to this meeting because otherwise I’ll have to think about swapping to a busier day because this won’t be worth paying out for the counselling otherwise.

When I got home last night I was determined to go out and get a small shish kebab with cabbage, cucumber, tomato and no bread. I think having finally given myself permission to eat and fully intending to do so, I then couldn’t then bring myself to do it and my rebellious child having nothing to rebel against finally shut up for 2 minutes and let the adult get a word in edgeways. Hopefully that will see the end of my adaptive and rebellious child ego states and the adult should be at the forefront of all my decisions which won’t leave the rebellious child any space to get going. I can choose to eat or I can choose not to. My choice, I’m in control! Now it is back to the countdown 1 day down, 49 to go and I am feeling settled and good about this whole diet again.

I have decided that I am in need of a treat so I took the leaflet down off the fridge door and looked at the prices for a private horse riding lesson for when my daughter is at school. I keep looking longingly at all the horses I pass so I think it is time to use my birthday money that I had been saving for flying and use it for what I really want at this moment in time. I want to go riding again. I will have 2 food packs just before I go so that I have some energy to draw from and see how I go.

The other thing to note is that I have had a bit of a dodgy tummy over the past 3 days or so and last night I couldn’t sleep so I came back downstairs and went on the computer for a while. Whilst I was typing away my tummy upped its’ uncomfortable feeling and gurgling noises to unbearable proportions, let’s just say that I am probably about a stone lighter and the gurgling has now stopped! I felt a lot more comfortable and not so bloated although I still needed to completely empty out, which I did today.

I don’t think the tummy situation has been helped by the fact that I have been doing a fair bit more on the activity front because of having the new bike but not only have I not upped my water consumption to make up for this but that my water consumption still isn’t even the normal 6l’s and consistent.

So my aims for this week are to:
1. Continue on the activity front either via pedometer or bike
2. Do toning exercises as often as possible even if I forget and just do 20 sit-ups. I have to tone what’s left
3. Drink a minimum of 6l’s a day in a consistent manner.
4. Get up earlier so I am ready for bed earlier to ease the night time difficult patch and break the cycle.
5. Try to take the packs au natural for a while, no cooking them as I have been doing this too much.

Activity: 6,131 steps crap but a housework day so stuck in the house all day!
Water: 6.5l’s and consistent
Toning: None
Weight: 12st, estimated 25lbs to go.
1 day of development completed 49 to go!

Life is good again!