Lighter-Life?

2006-09-03T12:24:00.000-07:00

Sunday 3rd September

Well it is weigh in day tomorrow and I forgot to mention that my LLC left a message on my answer machine saying that the Thursday meeting was busier but none of the development meetings had that many people in them.

To be honest I don’t even think that my lack of confidence in the development counselling is down to that. By definition people are on development for different lengths of time until they all reach their goal weight so there is no structured course to the counselling like there was for the foundation stage because we would all be at different stages with some closer to goal that others and facing different issues at different times because of this so I’m not going to get counselling tailored to where I am in my journey. I’ll just have to wait and see over the 3 meetings that are prepaid for.

I am paid up till 18th September on LL but if I am still not impressed after that then I will be swapping to CD. Mind you I think that as soon as you hit 25 BMI on CD then you are meant to start going back up through the CD programmes spending at least a week at a time, preferably 2 on each stage. These are add a meal, 790 plan, 1000, 1200 then 1500. I should be under the 25BMI by the time I run out of money. I have had another look through my mum’s CD book to see exactly what doing CD at under 25BMI entails. I haven’t decided what to do yet and have an open mind until the 3 meetings are over but I do think that if I hadn’t paid a month on advance of LL then I would have called it quits and swapped. Can this be fate telling me to hang fire and not make any hasty decisions? The biggest factor that LL may have over CD at this stage is that you get free management for a year after completing the route to management course but then I don’t know what CD do on that front? My biggest challenge will always be keeping the weight off and I have to think about what is best for me at that stage even at the expense of what happens to me at this stage.

Also I am trying not to let the fact that if I start CD after the next 3 meeting then I will be able to start eating with my family again and given that 2 weeks on each stage adds up to 10 weeks then I will be through the restrictions well before Christmas. I have to consider that this could well be affecting my draw to CD so I have to be careful about that because whatever I do it has to be for the right reasons.

I was talking to my hubby about the situation last night and he said that although I feel like I have come a long way with the counselling and haven’t learnt anymore about myself for weeks, I won’t know if I need the additional counselling of LL in management until I get there and he is as usual dead right – don’t tell him I said that though!

I enjoyed another bowl of chocolate porridge this morning and given that it is wet and windy it once again was a welcome and excellent start to the day. You get given a recipe sheet on how you can cook the packs for a bit of interest are only supposed to cook one a day. Nowhere n that sheet does it mention that PH could be such and excellent ingredient to make things a bit different.

The other small event of note which has really made my day is that I needed to adjust my SlenderTone belt so that the sticky pads were on the smallest setting. I have gone from not being sure that the biggest were going to fit to needing them on the smallest of the 3. This may be nothing to somebody else but I cried because it means such a lot to me.

Activity: 7,217
Water: 6l’s and consistent
Toning: 40 mins on ST
Weight: 12st or 168lbs
6 days of development completed, 44 to go.

2006-09-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday 2nd September

I’m back into the habit of using the SlenderTone again now because I can do this working whilst I’m ironing or sat on the computer, both of which I spend a lot of time doing. In fact this morning I did it whist cooking hubby and daughter their brunch! Positioning the pads is definitely easier now I am smaller although I find it easy to work my waist and harder to get the centre pad right so it works my tummy which is the bit I really need to work. I also didn’t go into the third intensity level as this would have been too much for me this morning. I will keep making sure that I have it on the highest comfortable setting for me so that I am getting the most from each session. I’m going to aim for 2 sessions of 40 minutes a day in the hope of getting 1 session of 40 minutes a day. The trouble is that I have to take my trousers off when wearing the ST which means doing it indoors and having trousers at the ready in case someone comes to the door!

Somebody made an interesting post on the weight loss forum that got me thinking. I have been having more problems now that I am close to being a normal BMI than I have had at any other time during the diet. I have decided to get weighed this Monday and then not be weighed for a 3 weeks after that. This way I will be able to concentrate on what my body looks like and how it measures up. This will means that I will be stopping when I have reached the right place based on reality rather than wanting to meet an artificial target which is very inflexible. How I look and what fat I have left on my body are the factors that are keeping me motivated to continue whilst the weight I am and have lost are just damaging distractions. If I feel my body is ready then I will continue to stay on the packs for another 2 weeks after that to allow for the glycogen top up that will increase my weight by between 4 and 8lbs and keep me at my goal. This way when I go into management then I can concentrate on learning how to eat to maintain my weight which is what management is all about.

I made a chocolate porridge with the psyllium husks this morning and it tasted just like chocolate Ready Break! Trouble was that I had to stuff it down because I was full up after ½ of it. So tomorrow I will split my pack and do it with ½. I will stick to using the PH in the morning so I get a proper breakfast to set me up for the day and will try to keep the other half back for the evening which I find most difficult. The good thing about the porridge is that is isn’t cooked as it is just made using boiling water.

Activity: 5,112 steps. Very poor but it always is at the weekend.
Water: 6l’s and consistent
Toning: 2 x 40 minutes on the ST
Weight: 12st or 168lbs
5 days of development completed, 44 to go.

2006-09-01T15:40:00.000-07:00

Friday 1st September

On the recommendation of one of the ladies on the weight loss forum I use I bought some psyllium husks (PH) to add to my shakes and soups. This is non-absorbable soluble dietary fibre which thickens the liquid and provides bulk to stimulate the bowels to empty more often. It has no impact on the body other than that because the body can not absorb it so it just keeps things moving along nicely without affecting the diet. I tried 2 small teaspoons of it in a chicken soup and added some white pepper for good measure. OMG it was lovely! The soup took on a cream of chicken texture and taste so I can’t wait to see what it will do to the shakes. I mustn’t have too much of it though because otherwise I won’t be able to drink enough extra water to deal with it. If I don’t drink enough water then I will become constipated as the body won’t allow fluid to go into poo making it hard. Having the PH to use has actually made me excited about having my shake tomorrow. I feel full up to the point of bloated (not sure I want to do that again – ½ packs might be better for this) after my soup but I really want to see what will happen with the shakes. The lady who recommended PH also said that she makes up a warm porridge with part of one of her shakes to have for breakfast, I’ll try that one day too because that sounds good. I’m wondering if the use of PH will mean that I don’t need to cook as many packs? That would have to be a good thing.

The belts and trousers I ordered off eBay have arrived and are all stunning. The belts I have are wonderful and can both be worn with my brown t-shirt/combats. The leather jacket also in a size 12 is beyond my wildest dreams and looks great with the combats, size 12 t-shirt and my new belts, I love the jacket and can wear it now undone even though it is just a touch too small to be done up comfortably and be able to do a full range of arm movements. I’m chuffed to nuts with trousers too but I need to shrink my wobbly tummy and saggy bum to get into them. I am disappointed because they are size 12’s but I wasn’t even close to being able to wear them and put this down to them being designer size 12’s not high street ones. I know I shouldn’t be downhearted at not truly being a size 12 yet because I did buy them as my final size but I am not a logical person. My disappointment was also challenging my belief that I could be almost into a high street size 12 and made me nervous about going and trying anything on. Normally I would avoid the situation until I had shrunk a bit more in the hope of limiting my disappointment but instead I challenged it head on and went to the high street to assess the reality of the situation. So I went to the high street and tried on 2 pairs of Dorothy Perkins jeans, the baggy styled ones on the tight side of ok round my bottom and tummy but not at the waist and the other style didn’t fit round my thighs so I do still have big legs! In New Look I tried on a pair of combats that again were on the tight side of ok on the bottom and tummy but not on my waist, so it looks like I am a couple of weeks off of comfortably being a high street size 12 and even then I will still have to be seeking out the loosest fit styles available to accommodate my legs. I couldn’t try any more shops after Dorothy Perkins and New Look because I had my daughter with me so it wasn’t the best time to be doing a fact finding mission as she had had enough!

I think I have got the buying bug out of my system and from now on I will stick to actually shopping in REAL shops from now on. After all I can now go shopping in shops knowing there will be loads of things to fit me and without fearing the changing room mirrors and quizzical faces of people questioning why I should even be there because of my size – I never actually experienced this because I avoided the real shops as my size increased but it was my nightmare. Because I avoided the real shops I didn’t even know that many of them had a plus size section or went up to a size 22 in some of their collections until I lost weight and then ventured in by which time I didn’t need them.

Shopping on eBay robs me of the shopping experience and also you never know what the fit is going to be so you can end up with clothes that don’t do the best for your figure. Also if I go into REAL shops I can have a go at trying colours and styles that I wouldn’t risk if I have to buy before I try. I want to explore what my style is going to be. When I first went to Southampton to confirm that I was a 14 I looked in all the shops and didn’t find much I liked. I know realise that this is because there was a distinct lack of tunic tops and Evans styling which I have felt safe in all these years. I need to challenge that and find style and colours to suit my new shape and outlook on life.

Another 6 weeks or so and I’ll probably be in the designer size 12’s and that is roughly how much time I have left to do on LL to get tome goal weight so I should be bang on with my estimated final size and weight fingers crossed.

I also rang my LLC today and left a message asking her to call me back when she can. I don’t want to have another development meeting like last weeks. That was definitely not worth the extra 30 quid or so that LL costs over Cambridge Diet. I asked her to confirm if the meeting might have more people this week, if not I want to change the day I go for a busier one. I’m not sure how good the counselling on development will be. By definition people are on development for different lengths of time until they all reach their goal weight so there is no structure to the counselling course like there was for the foundation stage. I’m going to give it another couple of weeks and then think about changing if I don’t like it. I am not going to keep forking out loads of money for something that isn’t worth it. I am feeling more confident about my ability to maintain my weight but I am not happy about the fact that I will lose my backup for a year of maintenance if I do swap and also I am not happy that the refeed process on CD is as good as the LL process, not do you get the counselling with that.

Activity: I forgot to put my pedometer but wouldn’t have been too bad today at approximately 9,000 steps or so.
Water: 7 l’s and consistent.
Toning: 40 mins on ST in the morning
Weight: 12st or 168lbs
4 days of development completed, 46 to go.

2006-09-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Thursday 31st August

I decided to test myself on the body fat monitor using yesterday’s weigh in result of 11st 9lbs. The results were 31.1% fat, a woman’s body fat ratio ideally needs to be between 25 and 31% so I am just nudging up to the normal range there. My waist to hip ratio (waist measurement divided by hip measurement) is .82 and should be under .8 for a woman. My BMI is 25.8 and should be between 20 and 25 so I am getting close on all these indicators. I want to have a bit of leeway so that I am not at the top of any of the ranges on these calculations in the morning only to go over in the afternoon or after putting on 3-4lbs in my proposed comfort zone. That gives me something else to think about apart from weight.

I am definitely still in the dieting zone with no thoughts of giving up. I am focussed 100% on continuing until I have reached a stage I am happy with. Between needing to tone and build muscle on what remains of my body and waiting for my skin to shrink back to match my new smaller size I know I won’t have the shape I want by just losing the fat so I am realistic about when I will need to stop and the additional indicators will further help with my decision when the time come. I think what I will work to get to where I want to be and then do 2 weeks more to get me under that so that when my glycogen stores refill I will then be at my goal weight rather than trying to lose when on the management stage when I should be learning how to maintain it.

Having the countdowns at the end of each day’s blog to focus on has really helped to concentrate my mind on the task in hand and make me comfortable with where I am and what I have left to do. The last 3 days seem to have whizzed by in much the same way as the foundation stage mainly did so it won’t be long before I can start the process of learning how and what to eat and considering my food weaknesses with food actually being in the picture again.

In addition to the criteria below, every morning after weigh in day I will also include a calculation for BMI, h/w ratio and body fat ratio.

Today has been an active day for me and I have the challenge ahead of making tomorrow active too. I had to take the pedometer off because I didn’t want to lose it again as I ran round PlayZone for 1 ½ hours with my daughter and I forgot to put it back on again. After 1 ½ hours of running, climbing and rolling about like a lunatic (I’m not a passive mum and never have been but I can just do it for longer and faster now!) we had a walk round a castle for 40 mins, not fast but a walk none the less. Then when we got home in the evening I put the Slendertone on again and it is much better now as I put it on in the right place first time round and I can move about and don’t wobble so much so it still works without me having to lie down on my bed and not move like I had to last time. I can also have it on the first setting of the third intensity which was a big improvement on last time although I’ll make a decision on whether this was sensible or not tomorrow morning based on whether I can move without being in agony!

Activity: No pedometer results. 1 ½ hours of running round Playzone and 40 minute walk round a castle. Great!
Water: 6.5l’s not very consistent
Toning: 50 minutes of slender tone.
Weight: 12st or 168lbs
3 days of development completed, 47 to go.

2006-08-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

Wednesday 30th August

Last night I didn’t have the usual dreadful cravings I have been fighting for the past few weeks. I am definitely firmly back in the driving seat of this diet.

I am starting to get somewhat obsessed by clothes now! I know that I will end up a size 12 top so I can’t stop looking on eBay. I wasn’t going to shop on eBay for clothes anymore as it robs me of the chance to shop in real shops but there are some wonderfully original clothes on there and my style is distinctive. I like items that are a bit wacky and different and I can find these on eBay.

I have bought 2 belts to wear round my newly found slinkier hips, 2 pairs of trousers, a cardigan and a leather jacket!

Having worn my size 12 trousers (mistake to buy them as the pockets on the rear make my arse look the size of the Isle of Wight- size 14’s still more flattering) all day yesterday and found them comfortable, I feel another trip to West Quay Southampton coming on to visit the hops I did previously when I wanted to affirm that I was a size 14. So not this coming week but next week it’s Southampton here I come! This time I want to see what size I am top and bottom.

My pedometer is less than pleasing but in terms of activity I spent 2 ½ hours cleaning windows so I am happy. Time was that doing just 1 window would knacker me out, this time I did the lot with no problems. I am definitely healthier and fitter now.

I also nipped into my mum’s house tonight to weigh myself. Bearing in mind how much I have drunk today I was happy to come up as 11st 9lbs. I hope my weigh in on Monday night is as good, I could do with being 11st 7lbs to get back on track after Monday’s disastrous weigh in but that might be asking a bit too much!

Activity: 7,368 steps and 2 ½ hours of window cleaning!
Water: 7l’s and consistent
Toning: None
Weight: 12st at last weigh in
2 days of development completed, 48 to go.

2006-08-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 29th August

Last nights’ meeting was absolute shite! Firstly I didn’t test in the pink again with the ketostix which was no surprise given my past history on that. Secondly my predictions of no change in weight was wrong, I put on 1lb! Of all the fucking weeks to retain water it had to be this one. Mind you 4st 4lbs loss in 100 days is still shit hot and something to be proud of...and I am.

Thirdly including me there were only 3 at the meeting last night and I didn’t know the other 2. Of them 1 is starting management this week so I won’t see her again and the other is starting management next week. I hope some of my foundation group start coming to this meeting because otherwise I’ll have to think about swapping to a busier day because this won’t be worth paying out for the counselling otherwise.

When I got home last night I was determined to go out and get a small shish kebab with cabbage, cucumber, tomato and no bread. I think having finally given myself permission to eat and fully intending to do so, I then couldn’t then bring myself to do it and my rebellious child having nothing to rebel against finally shut up for 2 minutes and let the adult get a word in edgeways. Hopefully that will see the end of my adaptive and rebellious child ego states and the adult should be at the forefront of all my decisions which won’t leave the rebellious child any space to get going. I can choose to eat or I can choose not to. My choice, I’m in control! Now it is back to the countdown 1 day down, 49 to go and I am feeling settled and good about this whole diet again.

I have decided that I am in need of a treat so I took the leaflet down off the fridge door and looked at the prices for a private horse riding lesson for when my daughter is at school. I keep looking longingly at all the horses I pass so I think it is time to use my birthday money that I had been saving for flying and use it for what I really want at this moment in time. I want to go riding again. I will have 2 food packs just before I go so that I have some energy to draw from and see how I go.

The other thing to note is that I have had a bit of a dodgy tummy over the past 3 days or so and last night I couldn’t sleep so I came back downstairs and went on the computer for a while. Whilst I was typing away my tummy upped its’ uncomfortable feeling and gurgling noises to unbearable proportions, let’s just say that I am probably about a stone lighter and the gurgling has now stopped! I felt a lot more comfortable and not so bloated although I still needed to completely empty out, which I did today.

I don’t think the tummy situation has been helped by the fact that I have been doing a fair bit more on the activity front because of having the new bike but not only have I not upped my water consumption to make up for this but that my water consumption still isn’t even the normal 6l’s and consistent.

So my aims for this week are to:
1. Continue on the activity front either via pedometer or bike
2. Do toning exercises as often as possible even if I forget and just do 20 sit-ups. I have to tone what’s left
3. Drink a minimum of 6l’s a day in a consistent manner.
4. Get up earlier so I am ready for bed earlier to ease the night time difficult patch and break the cycle.
5. Try to take the packs au natural for a while, no cooking them as I have been doing this too much.

Activity: 6,131 steps crap but a housework day so stuck in the house all day!
Water: 6.5l’s and consistent
Toning: None
Weight: 12st, estimated 25lbs to go.
1 day of development completed 49 to go!

Life is good again!

2006-08-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

Monday 28th August

This is it, the day I have been waiting for. I have successfully completed 100 days of sole sourcing on LL with no cheating although I have been sorely tempted in the past week.

From tomorrow I start my estimated 50 days countdown. This is a conservative estimate of when I expect to reach the weight at which I am happy with, I just wish I knew what it was now so I could aim for it in black and white!

Today has been much better and I have been considering what I can do in the evenings to make them go easier and deal with the temptation. I am doing to have to start getting up much earlier so that I am ready for bed earlier. I am also going to try to remember to save bath time for the evening again as this seemed to work. I might even start putting the telly on and I can’t remember the last time I did that as I live on my computer. I have to crack the evenings if I am going to be able to stick solely to the packs. I will not compromise on my goal to be slim and slinky rather than just acceptable.

I really don’t feel any thinner this week and my clothes don’t seem any looser. So in an attempt to give myself the best chance of losing the 2.2lbs required to get to me 4 ½ stone I drink loads of water up until 3.30pm and then didn’t have anymore after that to give it a chance to go through my system a bit. I know this is self defeating because I won’t be doing the same next week and so will have a poorer weight loss week then but I couldn’t give a stuff about next week because I want my 4 ½ stone total loss THIS weeks for the end of the foundation stage.

Pedometer: Buying a new one at tonight’s meeting.
Water: 5l’s and inconsistent
Toning: None
100 days of foundation completed with no cheating! 0 to go.

2006-08-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

Sunday 27th August

Can there really only be 1 day left until I have completed the 100 days? On this Tuesday’s blog I will be counting the 50 days down until 17th October which is the date I conservatively estimate I will be starting management on. When you consider that this is ½ as much time again as the foundation stage then I am definitely not nearly at the end as people in my group even have been saying for the past 4 weeks or so!

Being acceptable is no longer my goal I want to be slim, not skinny just slim.

I think getting onto development and having a new time countdown to focus on will make things easier on me as it will give me something tangible to focus on.

If I hadn’t lost the pedometer then the results would have been poor. Having said that my daughter and I went out for the longest bike ride to date, I think we covered about 8 miles altogether so my activity rate is good for today.

Today has been another really shit day. I just keep craving protein and keep thinking about tins of tuna, KFC and a nice rare steak. I can’t give up now and am wishing my life away.

It’s funny because even though this has been another tough one for me it has gone quickly and I hope the rest of them will go the same way.

I really need the developers meeting tomorrow because I don’t think I can take much more of this. If I crash then I just carry on after that. I don’t want to crash though because I fear things will be worse if I do as I might not ever be able to get back into sole sourcing – just taking in the packs and no conventional food.

Pedometer: Pedometer’s lost so have to buy another one tomorrow.
Water: 6l’s and consistent
Toning: None
99 days down, 1 to go.

2006-08-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

Saturday 26th August

I woke up this morning to welcome in a much better day all in all. I did my hubby and daughter a cooked brunch of scrambled eggs (laid fresh this morning by our chickens), toast, mushrooms, beans, hash browns and bacon. I was not tempted to pick even though I would loved to have tucked in if I had been at goal.

I tried on the size 12’s I bought last night (which I couldn’t do when I bought them because Tesco shut their changing rooms in the evening) and they sort of fit. According to hubby they fit because they don’t look too tight but for comfort sake I think another 4-5 lb off would be best so they are in my wardrobe ready to shrink into. The size 14’s I have now are all too big and the 12’s I have are too small so I am at that annoying stage of being slap bang between sizes. I never had this experience when I was larger because all my clothes had elasticated waists so this is all new to me.

The speed at which you lose a dress size on LL never fails to amaze me. 3 weeks ago I realised that I was a size 14 now in another week or so I will be a size 12! Given that I know I have at least another stone to lose after the weigh in on Monday which would take me about a month to lose, I could be a size 10 top by the end of all this which is what I was hoping for. Having a flat chest does have some benefits! Taking into consideration that the shops have changed their sizes so that a size 10 is equivalent the old size 12 and an old size 12 was what I was aiming to be based on my size/weights 13 years ago I don’t think my guess was far wrong.

I won a pair of Miss Sixty jeans in a size 28 on eBay and they arrived this morning. They are stunning and I bought them as an incentive to get to my goal waist size. The trouble is that although the waist is what I am eventually hoping to be, we go back to the fact that I have big legs and these jeans look a bit too skinny for me. Mind you I did say that about the size 14’s my step mum gave me and there hasn’t been a problem with those once I shrunk. I’ll keep the jeans and see what happens. If I don’t manage to lose enough off my legs then I will sell them on again and should get my money back if not a bit more.

My water consumption and toning have been dreadful over the past week even if the activity hasn’t been too bad and I am not sure I will make it to the 4 ½ stone mark by Monday night. I tried upping my water consumption back to 6l’s today and just feel like a beached whale. Even if I don’t reach the 4 ½ stone then I have still had a far better than anticipated result but I do like nice neat numbers! I am still going to be making a special effort with the water for the next couple of days. I only have to lose 2.2lbs to reach my 4 ¼ stone target. If you want to get all technical about it I probably reached my 4 ½ stone target last weigh in because the first weigh in was done first thing in the morning and my weigh ins have now changed to evening. My morning weight would definitely be 2.2lbs lighter than in the evening! I have never limited my water intake to fix a weigh in before but I am seriously considering doing it for this one.

My mum went and saw a Cambridge Diet counsellor today. To be honest I am quite offended by the term Cambridge Diet counsellor because, with few exceptions, most of them aren’t counsellors at all they are just sales reps as no counselling training required by CD. Anyway I was able to give her a few pointers like using a bit of the vanilla milkshake in coffee and spitting the packs into 6 smaller meals. I know mum will be successful on this because she has done CD before and lost a lot of weight.

Having read through the info in mum’s books about what the stabilisation and maintenance bits of CD is I have decided that CD can’t offer me what LL can. On CD the foods are not reintroduced a few at a time and there is no mention of finding out about trigger foods etc. It has been a very useful exercise for me to read what the different CD plans consist of as this have taken away any thoughts I may have harboured about going for the cheaper option. Cheaper in this case is not better. I owe it to myself and my family to get the most important stage of the diet right. OK LL is a lot more money but I have lessons to learn that will last a lifetime and CD can’t come close to offering what LL will give me. It’s a shame I can’t swap to CD for the development section because I am so bored of the LL food packs and then back to LL for the management bit as that would be the perfect solution!

Pedometer: 2,594
Water: 6l’s and consistent
Toning: None
98 days down, 2 to go.

2006-08-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

Friday 25th August

I have been really bored today and am glad the day is over. Nothing bad has happened but I am just fed up which makes my thoughts turn to food. Roll on tomorrow.

In an effort to distract myself I went to Asda again tonight and tried on some more size 12’s. baggy cuts fit me because I have big lags and bum but slimmer cuts do not as my legs just won’t even go in them.

I then went to Tesco and bought my favourites brown fitted t-shirt that I wear all the time with my combats in a size 12 ready to shrink into. I also bought another brown fitted t-shirt but this one has a V neck and I bought a pair of wide legged brown combat type trousers in a size 12 too.

Retail therapy took the edge of my crap day and put some steps on my pedometer although it was still crap for today.

Pedometer: 4,812
Water: 4.5l’s
Toning: None
97 days down, 3 to go.

2006-08-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

Thursday 24th August

My pedometer isn’t very good today but as I am taking an overall approach to activity this doesn’t matter because I spent 55 minutes on the tag-a-long-bike with my daughter. More than enough activity for today!

I asked my husband to do my monthly progress shots today. I prefer them to the LL ones because you can see the differences in my body more clearly and where I still have weight to lose. The difference between me and my fellow LL’ers is that I want to concentrate on what I have left to do whereas they what to see how far they have come to keep them motivated. I do have 1 ½ stone to lose still no matter what anyone commenting on my fully dressed figure says.

My motto is ‘Keep your eyes on the prize’.

I have to continue to ride the momentum I have now because a restart after falling off the wagon will be infinitely harder to do.

Pedometer: 8,912
Water: 5l’s, not consistent in the evening.
Toning: None
96 days down, 4 to go.

2006-08-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

Wednesday 23rd August

It’s that time of the month were I need to get my hubby to do some more progress shots of me in my swimsuit. Trouble is that I had to ditch the old one because it was all ‘Nora Batty’ on me!

My daughter and I went over to the Isle of Wight with friends today and I have to admit that all the food everyone was eating looked very tempting. I’m looking forward to conventional food again like you wouldn’t believe. What got me through was the thought that the 100 days are soon up. After that I’ll have to go back to setting short term goals again like the next ½ a stone etc. I have to get to goal weight and then start eating in a controlled way by following management to the letter. I owe it to myself and everyone who has supported my efforts finish the job properly.

In the meantime I will keep my ‘after’ shots in my bag as motivation to stay on the programme. I am not where I want to be and the ‘after’ photos reinforce that well.

Pedometer: 8,961
Water: 4.5l’s not very consistent
Toning: None
95 days down, 5 to go.

2006-08-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 22nd August

I did another trip to Asda today to try on that dress I keep thinking about. It was the right thing to do because although it looked good on my body shape it really wasn’t me, I’m not girly! Having said that, I did pick up some lip gloss and mascara and walked down to the hairdressers to get my hair done for the ‘after’ shots at the LL meeting tonight. Incidentally I hated my hair and brushed it out but at least it was clean and smelled nice after last night’s fireplace removal session! My friend then straightened it for me and made it look very nice for the photos. I made sure I was wearing my combats and brown fitted t-shirt (a bit lose but never mind) which is miles away from the cover me up tunic of my before shots! I wanted there to be as big a difference between the before and after photos as possible. I think I look younger despite getting wrinkles on my face which I never had before the diet. I never thought that my outlook was that much different than it was before I put the weight on but there is no doubt about it, I have got a younger attitude and my daughter certainly appreciates the changes in my outlook even if she doesn’t see the physical changes.

The photos themselves were interesting. Others in my group kept looking at their before shots and were amazed at how far they had come, for me the focus was on the after shots and this has really focused my mind on the extra weight I need to lose to get me to where I want to be. I could see it all in the photos so it isn’t just in my mind!

Once again I hadn’t done my homework or thought records for this week and had to copy them up by reading back through the week’s blog entries but with the problems with my hair I didn’t get a chance.

It was a joyous and sad LL meeting tonight. Joyous for those got through this far but sad for those that didn’t make it or weren’t there because they were on holiday. After tonight we are no longer a group and will go our separate ways.

Next week is the first of my ‘development’ meetings and this will be on a Monday night at 5.45-7.15pm. I am looking forward to it because the weigh in on that night will be on my 100th Day and give me the true result of the foundation stage. I only need to lose 2lbs this week to reach the 4 ½ stone mark and although I don’t want to tempt fate, this should be very doable.

Pedometer: Not ideal at 7,378
Water: 4l’s and fairly consistent
Toning: None
94 days down, 6 to go.

2006-08-21T14:26:00.000-07:00

Monday 21st August

I have completed 3 months on LighterLife.

Today has been a big step forward in terms of my daily activity. Yesterday we used my daughter’s birthday money to buy a tag-a-long bike and today I took my bike down to the shop to get it fitted and then my daughter and I had a practice on it for about 40 minutes. From the start of doing LighterLife I knew that a tag-a-long bike was going to make a big difference to me because my daughter was definitely too big for the baby seat so I avoided using the bike. This new bike is going to be great because I can then leave the car on the driveway for most journeys. Our town sits on a peninsular jotting into the sea and nowhere in it is more than 3 miles away. Combine this with the walk to and from school twice a day which adds up to 2 miles walking and I have my weekday activity sewn up. This will all fall by the wayside at weekends though until I can persuade my hubby to start trying to do a bit more.

This afternoon my daughter and I went on another long (for a 4 year old) walk which helped with the pedometer because of course the bike ride doesn’t register on it.

This evening was spent helping hubby knock out a fireplace but I was so knackered after today that I didn’t do that much. Better than nothing though.

After that I had to go and feed my mum’s cats because she is away tonight and I couldn’t resist standing on the scales. I wish I hadn’t because I was 12st 2lbs which is the same as I weighed last weigh in. So much for the 11st 11lbs I was yesterday morning! Oh well, can only be water retention and having gone back to a 4 week cycle the week after my period is traditionally my worst weight loss week so combine that with the crap water and pedometer results and you have a recipe for not a lot of weight lost or even none lost!

Oh well, next Monday is the important weigh in as it comes on the 100th Day and it should hopefully be a good one to make up for this week because all a bad result can be down to is water retention.

Pedometer: Very acceptable at 10,367 given the rest of days activity.
Water: better at 6l’s but not consistent as I am still not back into my normal routine
Toning: None
93 days down and only 1 week to go. Who’d have thought I’d get this far let alone this far without cheating!

2006-08-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Sunday 20th August

I’m still coming down after yesterday’s party and I’m knackered so I had a lazy day because I just couldn’t be arsed! Yesterday couldn’t have gone better and I had trouble sleeping last night because I was still on a natural high after the success of the day. More than half the kids cried when they finally had to leave which has to be a good sign! The parents were relaxed and happy too. I always feel very awkward at kiddie’s parties normally as I don’t know all the parents and you can feel a bit of a spare part. Because my hubby also really worked his socks off to make things a success I had time to ensure that the parents were all introduced by name and how come we knew them to give them that starting point for conversation and then left them to it after they were chatting away. Social niceties like an introduction by name and an interesting fact about that person seem to have gone out of fashion but there is no doubt about it, a good introduction helps people to settle more quickly and help prevent that ‘Billy no mates’ feeling.

My plan of getting the children together and lining them up to receive goodie bags at the end of the party to provide a useful prompt to get people to leave if the party hadn’t gone too well was not needed. The kids and adults were enjoying themselves so we let the party run on well over time.

During my sleepless night last night I had an idea of how I can work for myself to fit in around my daughter and husband. I was up at 4.30am typing out a few ideas before I forgot them but I still need to consider the boring practicalities like insurance implications. I won’t earn a fortune but I will be able to pick and chose my hours to be flexible around my daughters needs and my husband’s hours. The part time jobs available that fit in with my need to take my daughter to school and collect her again dictate that you must work at least one day of the weekend and then what about the school holidays? I’d have to work those too if I worked for somebody else. Being self employed solves this problem and means I can always be there for my daughter rather than palming her off into childcare. I obviously wouldn’t be able to get sick or holiday pay but I also wouldn’t have to fork out for child care in the holidays which we wouldn’t be able to get any financial help with from the government.

My sleepless night also meant that I slept in until 10.15am this morning and means that once again I will have to play catch up with my water consumption. The fact that I didn’t drink very much yesterday and that I had 2 bars on Friday night means that the chances are that I will have constipation. Not looking forward to that!

Given that I was up so late and behind with my water consumption I decided to nip into my mum’s house and use her scales. Given that I didn’t drink very much yesterday and hadn’t had anything to drink before weighing myself, I thought the chances of being in the 11’s would be good. I did at least keep my clothes on and weighed in at …*drum roll*…11st 11lbs which puts me just 6lbs off the top end of my healthy BMI. I bet that my weigh in on Tuesday is nowhere near this because it is an evening weigh in and I will have water and food packs sloshing about inside me!

I find my thoughts keep going back to that dress that I tried on Friday, I may well go and try it on again in the size 14 and think about getting it in a size 12 ready for Christmas at my goal weight.

If Thursday’s prediction that I will be starting management by 9th October is correct, I will have finished to 12 week management course slap bang at the end of December and be starting New Year’s Day from scratch. I would love to think that would happen but if it isn’t to be then I will not be compromising on my goal weight just so that I can go into the New Year having completed management. God I wish I knew what my goal weight will be!

Pedometer:
Dreadful!
Water: Inconsistent and only 3l’sToning:
None
92 days down, 8 to go.

2006-08-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Saturday 19th August

Today was great. The party was enjoyable and despite the forecast we got a break in the weather so the kids were outside for a lot of the party. Doing the food was not the chore it was yesterday because there were no cooking smells to drive me wild with desire!

Although I stuck to the packs and didn’t cheat, everything else diet wise went down the tubes! My water consumption didn’t even meet the minimum, the pedometer showed the worst ever results, true to form I didn’t do any toning. But given all that I have been on the go from 8am-8pm and am absolutely shattered!

I must do better tomorrow.

Pedometer: 3254
Water: 3l’s and as inconsistent as can be!
Toning: None
91 days down, 9 to go. Single figures at last!

2006-08-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

Friday 18th August

Today saw me in the kitchen cooking up some party food for my daughter’s birthday party tomorrow. I was very good and didn’t pick although the pastry was really calling to me. Tomorrow will be just as hard as I open all the packets and lay out the food not to mention preparing all the fruit which is what I had be hanging out for up until the tough day I had yesterday.

I think I know the problem, I had only had 1 of the 3 food packs I should have had by then and so I have to admit that I was very naughty and then not had 2 LL bars but I also made both into biscuits. It got me through though and I don’t regret the choice I made given the situation I was in.

I remember back to my dreams of a summer garden party for my daughter where I would be playing lady muck in a summer dress for a lazy garden party and sat around chatting with the adult whilst the kids amused themselves in the paddling pool or on the bouncy castle and other outdoor toys. The party tomorrow will be very different as a 70-80% chance of rain is predicted so we will have 12 2-4 year olds in the house needing to be entertained for 2 ½ hours! I’ll be in my combats and brown t-shirt as they are comfy as well as being the most flattering things I own, it will be no where near to being the lazy garden party in a floaty chic summer dress I dreamt of!

I had a quick skim back through my blog to remind myself how far I have come both in terms of weight and in my attitude and this is a quote from 27th May – having completed one week on LL.

“I am hoping to lose 4lb over the 3 stone predicted loss on the foundation stage so that I can be 12st 13lbs. It sounds a lot better than 13 stone!”

I passed that milestone on 1st August with 5 weeks to spare! I might even have lost 4 ½ stone and be 11st 10lbs by the end of the foundation stage! At any rate I will be into the 11’s as opposed to into the 12’s and I could never have dreamt that was possible when I started LL and if somebody had told me that it was then I would have been very angry and upset at the sick joke they were playing on me.

I went to Asda tonight and tried on some more size 12’s. Again I got them on and could just about do them up as my dough belly is very good at moving upwards but they did look funny. Mind you, given the state of half the women in my town with their muffin tops it must be the fashion to go for a size smaller than you are and then have the excess spilling over the top!

I also tried on a lovely stretchy dress in a size 14 which clung as far as the hips and then just hung below the knees. It looked good on me (if you ignored the fact that my black pants should have been white!) which is amazing for a few reasons: I don’t do ‘girly’ stuff, I don’t show my legs, the material clung and it still looked good. I am very tempted to get it in the next size down for my final size and force hubby to take me out to a restaurant when I can eat again. Shame we have no money again this month what with my LL and the monsters birthday.

Pedometer: 4,612 Terrible!!!
Water: 6l’s and consistent
Toning: None
90 days down, 10 to go.

2006-08-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

Thursday 17th August

I had yet more serious suggestions made to me today from concerned friends that I should not lose any more weight but I have found a way with dealing with this quickly and effectively without offending anyone. I tell them that as LL requires a medical every 4 weeks to allow you to continue and that my doctor would not sign the form to give the go ahead for the next 4 weeks if I were to try to get too thin I have no concerns about losing too much weight as I can rely on his professional and objective opinion. This puts an end to the debate as there is nothing that can be said to contradict that!

I had a lovely walk with my daughter until it was cut short because she was naughty, the walk helped to put a few steps on the pedometer and when she starts school in September the ½ mile journey to school twice a day will mean that I will be walking 2 miles a day 5 days a week. I might even consider jogging the legs I don’t have her with me as ½ a mile is nothing – wouldn’t have said that 3 months ago as running wasn’t something I would have wanted to do!

I still can’t help trying to predict what my final weight will need to be, if I knew this then it would be so much easier for me as I would have a target to work towards but the not knowing is really difficult given my love of control. I can be flexible, I can be flexible, I can be flexible….!

By my reckoning I should be starting management by about 9th October. Having read a heartfelt post on the weight loss forum by a lady in management who confirms the LL assistant’s assertion that you must get to goal before starting management so that you can concentrate on maintaining your weight rather than still trying to lose, I will be looking to get to goal and then do at least 1 more week solely on the packs to allow a bit for the weight I will stick back on when my body replenishes it’s glycogen levels.

On reflection, I know I predicted last week as being a slow weight loss week given the 3 week cycle my body was following but having gone back on the pill and had the required week’s break this month, my period has returned to the 4 week cycle I was used to pre-diet. For this reason I think there is a possibility that next weigh in might be the slow one. Although next week is our last meeting I still have the week to complete to be at the 100 days so there is still the possibility of reaching the 4 ½ stone loss mark (11st 10lbs for that) at the completion of the 100 days. My first development meeting falls on this day so I am looking forward to the result of that weigh in for the final result of the 100 days foundation stage. LL say that on average you can expect to lose a stone a month so I have done really well even if I don’t lose anymore before now and then but it is always good to hope for higher. My ‘after’ picture will be taken at the meeting on Tuesday and my hair appointment make in readiness. I just need to make it plain to her that I want a natural yet neat ‘daytime’ look not a solid and complicated night time look.

Pedometer: 10,738
Water: 6l’s and consistent
Toning: None
89 days down, 11 to go.

2006-08-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

Wednesday 16th August

Today was poor for activity and toning as I took my daughter to Play Shack and spent the day sat on my bum while she played with her friends!

The water consumption was good though so at least I got something right.

Today was the day where everyone wanted to know the details of LL with a view to either considering it themselves or recommending to others that need to shift a bit of weight. Compliments came in thick and fast today and were very welcome!

I also floated the idea with the owner about wanting to work there when my daughter goes to school full time at the end of October so I am considering job options, a weird prospect after nearly 5 years of not working.

Pedometer: 5,011
Water: 7l’s and consistent
Toning: None
88 days down, 12 to go.

2006-08-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 15th August

I went to see the nurse to get my blood pressure checked and it is now within the normal range at 110/80 with a 60 pulse.

I also cleaned out the chickens today which involved bagging up 400l’s of woodchips and taking them down the dump, buying another 400l’s of woodchips and getting them up to the run and then spreading them out. This took the best part of 4 hours in total and I took my pedometer off for this because it kept falling off and not a lot of steps were involved anyway. Then my daughter and I went on a 2 hour walk which then helped the pedometer along.

The LL meeting was nice but a bit sad because although it is the last meeting of the group next week 2 of the ladies will miss it because they are off on holiday.

I weighed in at a touch under 12st 2lbs so I’ll call it 12st 2lbs which takes my over-all LL loss to 4st 2lbs. Hopes of a 5lb loss for the coming week are a bit futile considering that the last 3 weeks have all been 4 ½ lbs but it would be nice to have a nice round 4 ½ stone as my loss on the foundation stage. I should at least be in the 11’s by the end of the foundation which I never dreamed would be possible when I started out.

The other thing that was mentioned at the LL meeting is that you need to lose enough to take you under your target weight because when you start eating again then your glycogen levels will be topped up and this will account for 4-8lbs of weight gain. I still have at least 1 ½ stone to go.

Pedometer: 12,751
Water: 5l’s and consistent
Toning: None but cleaning out the chickens was more than sufficient toning.
87 days down, 13 to go.

2006-08-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Monday 14th August

I am not so obsessed with getting to goal; I seem to have settled back into acceptance. What a weird feeling to know that for the first time in since I was a child I will be actually finishing a task without excuses.

I have been moody as hell again for the past few days because TOTM is due and I have retaining water too which hasn’t been helped by the fact that my water consumption hasn’t been very good up until today. So much for the diet putting a squash on the mood swings, this just goes to prove to me that the contraceptive pill I am on is to blame for this. I have an appointment with the nurse just before lunch time tomorrow to do my blood pressure ready for the evening LL meeting, I might see if she knows anything I can do for contraception instead of that pill because the moods are even registering on my consciousness so it must be bad!

My daughter wanted to ride her bike to the park today and we ended up doing a tour of 4 parks this afternoon which meant that my pedometer results are more than acceptable for today, plus we had a fun afternoon.

I’m really looking forward to my meeting tomorrow despite the fact that the weight loss won’t be good this week. It will be the last time I see a couple of the ladies in my group as they are going on holiday and one is doing what she said she would from week 1 and calling it quits after finishing the foundation stage whilst the other will be going on to development the same as I am but to a different meeting time. I am hoping that the ladies will want to meet up outside of LL for a proper chat without time constraints.

Pedometer: Over 11,000 by 9.30pm
Water: 6l’s and fairly consistent
Toning: That’s a point; I’ll let you know tomorrow if I do it!
86 days down, 14 to go. There are only 2 weeks left of the 100 days!

2006-08-14T00:48:00.000-07:00

Sunday 13th August

I couldn’t drink as much as I wanted to yesterday because of the journey to Gloucester and could have had the same thing again today because of the journey to Hereford and then back home but I made a special effort. Life will get in the way and I will need to be able to deal with that.

Hubby and daughter went to the hotel restaurant this morning for their cooked breakfast whilst I lazed in the bath, heaven!

The pedometer and toning went out of the window on both days too as the realities of life impinge on the diet progress. I resent this because I don’t want to be doing this for any longer than I have to.

We spent the day with friends in Hereford and the others had a lovely diner of roast chicken, new potatoes and salad. I made a double chocolate muffin and wasn’t inclined to cheat.

Today was easy in the whole scheme of things with no temptations at all. Roll on the next 6-7 weeks so that I can begin learning to eat again.

Pedometer: 2,293. Very bad – worst day yet.
Water: 5l’s fairly consistent
Toning: None
85 days down, 15 to go.

2006-08-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

Saturday 12th August

The pedometer yesterday ended up at just over 7,000 but this still isn’t good. Last night I decided to do another late night shopping trip to Asda and tried on a pair of size 12 combats which although I could get them on and do them up without pinging the buttons off and breaking the mirror, they were by no means comfortable! Another 4 weeks or so and I’ll be there.

I have been reading up and my theory about dress sizes being bigger is true. Since I was last a size 10/12 the old size 10 is now a size 8 and so my goal of getting to be a comfortable size 12 is in fact the equivalent of being a comfortable size 14 of old. I don’t think that is too far to stretch and in fact it puts a size 10 easily into reach for me.

I also made the fatal mistake of standing on the scales this morning and weighed 12st 4¾lbs so when I get weighed on Tuesday night I can’t expect to lose very much as predicted. Mum was also saying that she thinks it is a matter of lbs to lose rather than stones and that toning up what is left is going to be the key. I’m sort of convinced that by just looking at my tummy there isn’t stones of weight left there but I do think that if you take an inch off everywhere then that soon adds up to stones. I think maybe 10st 10lbs might just do it for me. This way I can aim to stay in the 10’s as my comfort zone. That leaves me about 1 ½ stone to lose and I should be through management in December and ready to start the New Year afresh. I just want to start learning how to eat again.

Pedometer: Won’t be good as we are travelling to Gloucester today
Water: Won’t be good for the same reason
Toning: Won’t happen
84 days down, 16 to go. At least that’s one thing to go in the right direction!

2006-08-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Friday 11th August

On reflection, yesterday was very useful to me because I now know that the body shape I want to get back to will not be achieved by diet alone and may not be achievable at all. I really need to focus on the sport and toning. I remember making an observation a while back at Romsey Rapids that of those that were slim and wearing bikinis many of them weren’t doing themselves any favours in showing off their slimness because of the saggy skin problem. It gave me hope because I then knew that I could look good in clothes as a slim person even if I had saggy skin. Not all slim people have the perfect body but they make a great coat hanger, I’d be happy with that although my primary reason for losing weight has always been about how I feel and getting back to the lifestyle I used to enjoy as a slimmer person.

I am prepared to be more flexible about my goal weight as long as I can be sure that the want to change the goal is coming from the right motives rather than just wanting to finish a bit sooner. Knowing my weakness of giving up towards the end of a challenge has allowed me to tackle it head on and see just how self defeating it has been. What a waste! Still, I know better now and have the power to change to put some alternative behaviour in place but it will need practice before this new behaviour becomes second nature.

That is going to be the key to success, making the right behaviour and choices my first reaction rather than needing to get some distance to think about thing logically and this won’t come overnight as it requires some reprogramming to change 33 years of habit!

The other thing I really need to change is the amount of time I spend on the computer. I am finding the weight loss forums very inspiring and excellent at keeping me focussed but if I am sat at my computer I am not living my life and I need to see if I can get inspiration from myself for a while.

I have had another ‘fat’ day today and am retaining water like nobody’s business as trips to the loo are less frequent and my size 14 trousers feel tighter than normal across the belly. I have upped my water consumption as a result. At least now I am able to deal with my fatty days by knowing that it is just a feeling that isn’t in proportion with a change in how I look. Anyway, when you have lost nearly 4 stone in such a short space of time then a fatty day is nothing in the scheme of things!

Pedometer: Not good at 5,528
Water: 7l’s and consistent
Toning: 20 mins at 4.40pm
83 days down, 17 to go.

2006-08-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

Thursday 10th August

I do wish our last LL meeting was on the 100th day. It is really disappointing that it isn’t as I would love to see the ladies then and would like to know my completion weight and loss exactly to the day. I might see if I can arrange a pop in for then. Mind you that would still probably be in the evening and our first ever weigh in was in the morning.

I had an interesting talk with one of my friends today who pointed out that the 2 stone I still want to lose would need to come from the waist down to the thighs only and that 2 stone is a lot to lose from just that limited section of my body so I may well have to stop before then. I decided to show her what needed to go and so flopped my belly out and leant forward so it did its’ dangling trick and she said that in all honesty I still have a self image problem because the dangly belly isn’t down to carrying much more extra weight and more to do with toning up and doing exercise so the heavier end of the BMI scale might well be what suits me. Given that this is another stone away, I would be a size 12 at 11st 5lbs anyway. We’ll see when I get there. It really depends on whether any remaining weight lost come off my problem areas or the areas that I am happy with. If I were in completely in proportion with my hips and bust then I would actually stop now and say bollocks to the BMI!

I also nipped into Pilot to see just how far off of being in a size 12 combats I really am. I think another stone would do it comfortably although I have been informed that Pilot come up as one of the smaller cuts on the high street.

It was a very interesting afternoon all in all.

Pedometer: Good 10,541 by 5.40pm without even thinking about it.
Water: 6l’s fairly consistent
Toning: None
82 days down, 18 to go.